This morning at Starbucks a beautiful lady standing in line behind Shawny & I leaned in & said we had such a beautiful family, then she looked me straight in the eye and said "don't you know how lucky you are" .. It almost made me cry because ever since jake left it has been hard to fully open up my heart and fully trust. I feel pain most of the time. I feel shattered. I looked at Shawn and realized I need to stop pushing away the people that do love me. The past is the past. God is still faithful and still constant. Thank you Jesus for small reminders of things we need to be thankful for. Thank you for blessing me so much! xo Kristin
The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster.. places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. I lost two cities, loved ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.
..Even losing you... It’s evident the art of losing’s not too hard to master though it may look like a disaster.
Its been a year now.
i have always had a horrible july 4th.
although strangely enough its always been considered one of my favorite holidays.
i remember in 10th grade getting stood up from this guy i was "madly in love with"....
and every year after that was just painful in some way.
this 4th started out sad. i said goodbye to my babies for the weekend. sharing them still isnt easy. its hard every single week.
i have to remember to let go of things i cant control...
and hold on like crazy to what i can.
lately, i feel like running or hiding in a shell somewhere..... i have always struggled with being a "stuffer" of my emotions..... i am also a very independent woman which means I learned early on how to put on "the face".....The face of strength .. and of course "the smile."
its ridiculous.... yet i do understand.....
i take longer then most people to process thoughts and feelings. i can easily hold in my anger and my tears.
i like this about me and i also hate this about myself.
on one hand, i am strong and independent
on the other hand i can be harsh and cold.....
i am learning how to balance....
i dont have all the answers right now. i just have to keep breathing and keep loving the ones in my life.... that is my only job.
God is still with me, although i ask Him sometimes where He is...
He is right with me.
He is holding my hand.
He is the tower I run to for safety... He is the biggest part of who I am.