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Friday, July 5, 2013

The 4th.

Its been a year now.
i have always had a horrible july 4th.
although strangely enough its always been considered one of my favorite holidays.
i remember in 10th grade getting stood up from this guy i was "madly in love with"....
and every year after that was just painful in some way.
this 4th started out sad. i said goodbye to my babies for the weekend. sharing them still isnt easy. its hard every single week.
i have to remember to let go of things i cant control...
and hold on like crazy to what i can.
lately, i feel like running or hiding in a shell somewhere..... i have always struggled with being a "stuffer" of my emotions..... i am also a very independent woman which means I learned early on how to put on "the face".....The face of strength .. and of course "the smile."
its ridiculous.... yet i do understand.....
i take longer then most people to process thoughts and feelings. i can easily hold in my anger and my tears.
i like this about me and i also hate this about myself.
on one hand, i am strong and independent
on the other hand i can be harsh and cold.....
i am learning how to balance....
i dont have all the answers right now. i just have to keep breathing and keep loving the ones in my life.... that is my only job.
God is still with me, although i ask Him sometimes where He is...
He is right with me.
He is holding my hand.
He is the tower I run to for safety... He is the biggest part of who I am.

xo Kristin

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