Retro Madness ....at the Etsy Shop..xoxo
xoxoxoxoxo
Monday, October 22, 2012
Fall In Love....
these are beautiful Heather...i am so proud of you:)
xoxo
My New Beginning....
he has become my best friend (besides H)
he is sweet & understanding..
he gets that this is a super weird place for me...but he is very patient with me.
i thank God for sending me such a great guy..
i feel lucky.
i dont know what the future holds for me...
in fact, i am living a day at a time these days...
but i do know the things in my life that bring me joy...
and he is one of them:)
xoxo
Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?
Oh, I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
I walk through the shadows
And I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
I need you now
God, I need you now
i love this song by Plumb!
xoxoxo
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?
Oh, I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
I walk through the shadows
And I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
I need you now
God, I need you now
i love this song by Plumb!
xoxoxo
Laugh, even when you feel too tired.
Smile, even when you're trying not to cry.
Sing, even when people are staring at you.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Kiss, even when others are watching.
Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart, because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible times in life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all that has happened, than you ever were back before it started....
Smile, even when you're trying not to cry.
Sing, even when people are staring at you.
Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.
Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.
Kiss, even when others are watching.
Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring.
Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.
And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart, because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible times in life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all that has happened, than you ever were back before it started....
xoxo
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
yes, i have moved on....
i started dating this really great guy. in fact, i am totally smitten by him. everything within me tried to shut him out because of fear of being hurt again...but when i realized that we only live once and i have to LET GO of my past and move ahead.....it became easier to let him in......... plus, the honest truth ...i have two choices: close myself off to love again and end up alone....OR give love another chance even if i get hurt again....you only live one time....i would rather be at the end of my life exhausted from hurt and pain from loving TOO much and giving TOO much and be empty then to be 80 years old, alone, depressed and "what iffing"everything....i will NOT what if...because i'm goin for it ya'll!!!!
i have so much love and support its amazing. i am happy again.....and did i mention completely smitten??? :)
..........
life is messy....life is crazy....life does not always go according to plan....
...if it did....i would still be married and probably pregnant with another baby...but life took another turn....and that is ok...
..................
also....i have had hundreds of BEAUTIFUL, painful stories filtering in to me through writing this blog....first of all let me say that YOU are amazing...right where you are....exactly at this moment. God adores you. EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. in fact, He cant take His eyes off of you. I have read from many people how it is hard to see God through difficult situations...whether its a divorce, a death, any tragedy....i want to encourage you to see that only good things come from God. That God didnt do that to you...in fact, He is waiting on you to let Him carry you.
its funny the endless amount of hours we spend blaming ourselves for things that have happened that were not in our control. i have done it..and sometimes i still do...
God says differently though. He says His grace is abundant and overflowing and that He died to wash us clean.
And can i be honest when i say I have forgiven Jake....i pray for him.....and i am going to get to a place where i forgive her too. and pray for her. i am not there yet...but i will get there....especially if she is going to be my kids step mom....THAT is not easy. it sickens me to be honest. but i have to remember i didnt do this....and if i allow GOD to take control He will...and He will cover my kids and be with them when i am not there.
I have to let go everyday...its a process....
in the meantime, yes i have moved on to another try at love...and i am excited...and oh yes, completely smitten.
xoxoxo
i started dating this really great guy. in fact, i am totally smitten by him. everything within me tried to shut him out because of fear of being hurt again...but when i realized that we only live once and i have to LET GO of my past and move ahead.....it became easier to let him in......... plus, the honest truth ...i have two choices: close myself off to love again and end up alone....OR give love another chance even if i get hurt again....you only live one time....i would rather be at the end of my life exhausted from hurt and pain from loving TOO much and giving TOO much and be empty then to be 80 years old, alone, depressed and "what iffing"everything....i will NOT what if...because i'm goin for it ya'll!!!!
i have so much love and support its amazing. i am happy again.....and did i mention completely smitten??? :)
..........
life is messy....life is crazy....life does not always go according to plan....
...if it did....i would still be married and probably pregnant with another baby...but life took another turn....and that is ok...
..................
also....i have had hundreds of BEAUTIFUL, painful stories filtering in to me through writing this blog....first of all let me say that YOU are amazing...right where you are....exactly at this moment. God adores you. EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE. in fact, He cant take His eyes off of you. I have read from many people how it is hard to see God through difficult situations...whether its a divorce, a death, any tragedy....i want to encourage you to see that only good things come from God. That God didnt do that to you...in fact, He is waiting on you to let Him carry you.
its funny the endless amount of hours we spend blaming ourselves for things that have happened that were not in our control. i have done it..and sometimes i still do...
God says differently though. He says His grace is abundant and overflowing and that He died to wash us clean.
And can i be honest when i say I have forgiven Jake....i pray for him.....and i am going to get to a place where i forgive her too. and pray for her. i am not there yet...but i will get there....especially if she is going to be my kids step mom....THAT is not easy. it sickens me to be honest. but i have to remember i didnt do this....and if i allow GOD to take control He will...and He will cover my kids and be with them when i am not there.
I have to let go everyday...its a process....
in the meantime, yes i have moved on to another try at love...and i am excited...and oh yes, completely smitten.
xoxoxo
Monday, October 8, 2012
and on to better things....
I have learned so much about myself through this. Things I would have never learned otherwise. I am finding joy in the midst of this disaster. I am breathing...I am alive. And that is a great thing. Today is a gift.
How God picks you up when you call on Him, how He offers grace over and over and over again....I make so many mistakes and all I hear Him whisper is how lovely He sees me. Its incredible to know Him on that level.... I'm not sure I would know Him like this unless this had happened to me. My husband leaving me for another woman, looking me in the eyes and telling me he doesnt love me and that he doesnt want me anymore. THAT rocks you. That changes you forever....for 2 months that rang in my head over & over again like a horrible, depressing song....causing me to be paralyzed, unable to function. GOD and only God came to my rescue, He saw me lying there, lifeless...and in that split second that I called out to Him, He came to me, without judgement, without hesitation, He picked me up and He carried me. He carried me for a thousand miles. He didnt just throw me over His shoulder, He gently picked me up, held my head, wiping my tears the entire journey, whispering to me my worth...telling me that He wonderfully created me and that I am perfect to Him. He told me that He is my prince and my completion...He made me feel safe. He carried me the entire journey....loving me selflessly the entire way. I have never felt more safe, satisfied & loved then I have these last 6 months, in the most devastating time of my entire life. I thought I had become the unloved woman. The one man who vowed his life to me, promised to love me and take care of me....walked right out on me...and cheated before he did. Left me crying ...in fetal position. Not my finest hour.
BUT HERE I AM. I am ok. I am breathing. I am moving on...& with confidence of WHO I AM. Jake does not define me and he never did. God does. I am happy & filled with joy. I am letting go...and I am forgiving him. I am excited about my second chance at love.....
Jesus, my constant. My lover, my every breath. He not only carried me but then promised me abundant life. I am trusting Him for favor and blessings in my future. I believe it and i am so excited.
xoxo
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