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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

reading Eat Pray Love:

this part was about her being in Italy & enjoying all the pleasures of food and language...yet deciding to be celibate while she was there....I love this part that reads:

"So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings"

sooo good!

if you are lonely, BE lonely.
if you are sad, BE sad
if you are happy, BE happy
if you are anything, BE it
it's ok...sometimes I think we need permission to feel.
I know I struggle with that.
My marriage was emotionally dead for YEARS...yes, years.
I became an expert at brushing off and stuffing my feelings.
I am now releasing all of that.
I also think that's why I have healed so quickly.
I am over him...
It's weird, yes. But it's true.
Honestly, when he said he was in love with another woman and that he connected with her on a level he didn't connect with me, yes it hurt LIKE CRAZY, but part of me understood. I knew we weren't connecting. Heck, part of me was a little jealous.
I won't settle next time.
I will make sure I am loved completely, through all the mess.
I will make sure I connect with them on a deep level.
I would have stayed committed until death in my lifeless marriage because I took my vows seriously.
Now, they are broken...and I feel refreshed to FEEL again.
this all may come as a surprise to the people reading thinking "But, they had the perfect marriage"
...remember, I am a master at numbing my feelings. I put on a smile anyways....Well, no more numbing. I will still keep a smile on my face ...but I refuse to be numb & boxed in. I feel so free...

xoxo

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