if are are going through something tragic, whether its a husband leaving, someone passing away, a child dying...you will find yourself in a very desperate place. know that is ok. know that you are right where you need to be. cry when you need to. free yourself to feel.
in my situation, and for those of you who have just had a husband leave you (in my case for another woman),  you wake up day after day and wonder "is this a dream?" (more like a nightmare)....it will feel like the twilight zone for awhile. you will probably lose weight, tap into a cry deeper than a human should & not feel like moving. this is ok. honestly, this process of desperation & suffering WILL make you stronger. i know it may not feel like it. if you are reading this blog my hopes for you, as the reader, is to find a sense of understanding & feeling understood. whether you are going through this, or a friend. i want to take what has happened to me and reach out to others.
one huge thing you need to know as the reader is my relationship with God.
you may not have ever thought about God & that's ok.
i will be transparent about my relationship with Him with no hesitation.
know this up front.
He is everything to me. and i mean everything.
even more so now since going through this.
the only way that i am in the place i am right this moment is because of Him.

i have found through these past few months when my pain and suffering is too overwhelming for me to handle alone, i offer it to Him as praise ....(sounds weird, huh?)....but only the God of comfort could take my pain & when i offer it to Him and thank Him anyways, i am overwhelmed on an extreme level with comfort and peace. there is no other way to explain ..but God.

a few verses i have been clinging to:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 147:3

(wow, isn't that amazing!!)

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he shall sustain you"
Psalm 55:22

again...wow!

you may be reading this & have never heard of God or wanted to...or maybe you have but haven't opened up His word. I promise you, this amazing Book of Life is the only thing to get you through this. The only joy you will find out there. you may turn to other things, but i promise promise promise this Book, this living word of God ..the God who created all things, will do over and above for you if you call on Him.
i urge you to open up to the back of the bible where you can look up specific words "brokenhearted", "betrayal", "anger", "comfort"...and it will guide you to places in the bible about those specific words. this has helped me tremendously.
Know it WILL be ok. oh i promise you.
Rock bottom will come (may already have for you)
and know that rock bottom is hard, painful and desperate...
BUT the light is there ...there is light at the end of the tunnel
Get up.
choose joy today...everything you do for awhile will have to be a choice, if you go on feelings, it will be much harder much longer.
please know how precious, valuable and incredible YOU are.
when your husband looks you in the eyes and says he doesn't love you anymore...he doesn't want you anymore....it messes with you.
and it should.
but, one day soon you will realize your worth and know he is missing out.
this is his loss
not mine
i am a lot of woman with a lot to offer
and i know that
you will too.
trust me.
xoxo